Decades of research has shown that having sex, actually enjoying it, and especially orgasming multiple times a week is related to numerous health benefits, greater emotional well-being, stronger relationships, and even a longer life! Unfortunately, many couples are still plagued with dissatisfying sex lives, with some marriages even becoming sexless (i.e. couples who engage in sex less than 10 times per year) overtime. Many problems (but certainly not all) in the bedroom stem from unrealistic expectations about the inner workings of a healthy sexual relationship. Furthermore, many of the expectations that we have come from myths in our culture. While learning about the myths below can help you improve your outlook on sex, it's important to note that dispelling these myths is only part of the journey towards a more active and satisfying sex life.
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The first myth states that people should automatically know how to
sexually please their partners. Many
people assume that we should just be able to figure this stuff out. Lots of
people believe that talking about what is and what is not sexually enjoyable
should be an easy thing to do. The fact of the matter is that everyone is
different. No two people have the same wants and needs in the bedroom.
Behaviors and techniques that are considered to be pleasurable vary from person
to person. For instance, one person may really like French kissing while
another may be disgusted by the thought of another person’s tongue in his or
her mouth. Without communication, it is impossible for you to know your
partner’s specific sexual likes and dislikes. So, you can’t “just know” how to
please your partner. Most individuals have very distinct sexual likes and
dislikes. You and your partner need to open the lines of communication and talk
about it. And, my ebook will help you do that. You may be pleasantly surprised
by what you discover.
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The second myth claims that good sexual communication is instinctual.
In other words, people should just know how to talk about this stuff. But
contrary to popular belief, this is not intuitive knowledge. In fact, being
able to communicate about anything, especially about sexual desires, fantasies,
and issues, is a learned behavior. It is a skill that you refine over
time with a lot of practice. Couples can cultivate their ability to
convey this information in an effective manner through communication skill
training. Participating in the program outlined in my ebook will enhance
your sexual coaching skills, which will, in turn, help you to maintain or
improve your sex life with your partner.
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A third myth
contends that younger people are more
sexually adventurous, so they shouldn’t have dissatisfaction issues. There
are two components to this myth, both of which are inaccurate. First, I would
venture to say that many young relationships experience more sexual awkwardness
than you may think. Second, even if a couple is sexually adventurous, that does
not mean that they are incapable of having sexual problems. Many sexually
daring couples experience conflict due to a lack of stability between the
sheets. If a couple is constantly trying something new, they may forget about
the basic sexual behaviors and techniques that they like. Just because a couple
is young doesn’t mean that they’re experimenting with a wide variety of sexual
activities. And even if they are, adventure in the bedroom is not necessarily
the mark of a satisfying sex life.
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Myth number four
declares that a married couple’s sex life
is supposed to slow down. This is completely false. Since when does
marriage, the incredibly wonderful (and many times) ultimate expression of love
between two people mean that sex and romance goes out the window? There is no
excuse for your sex life to suffer because you decided to declare your love for
each other in front of your family and friends. You heard me. Kids, work, and
hobbies should not take the place of the sexual relationship you have with your
significant other. You can still have these things (kids, work, & hobbies),
but you need to make sure that you don’t neglect your marriage behind closed
doors. Marriage is a time when you and your mate can, and should, explore all
of your sexual wants, needs, and fantasies between the sheets. Sex is
important. But, I don’t have to tell you that. It is necessary that married people make time to make love.
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The last myth explains that people should like the same sexual behaviors throughout their lives. Have you liked the same food your whole life? The truth is that people's preferences change overtime. You may have liked a certain position when you were younger, but you're bored with it. Or you may have disliked oral sex as a twenty-something, but have recently come around to the idea. Regardless of how the change occurred, your sexual likes and dislikes have most likely shifted over the years. This further adds to the significance of sexual communication, and especially sexual coaching, in your relationship. Talking about sex should be an ongoing conversation between you and your partner. This is not a one-time talk. It's important to "check-in" with your mate every once in a while to see how things are going. Maybe you want to try something new or maybe your partner doesn't like to be touched in a certain way anymore. The only way to find out this information is to talk about it.
