The days and months following the birth
of a child are both incredibly amazing and terribly stressful. On top of
the insanely different routine you're trying to adjust to, the hormones
violently pumping through your body can make you feel like a complete
crazy person. One minute, you're staring at your sleeping babe with
feelings of pure happiness. And then the next minute, you're crying
hysterically at the latest ASPCA commercial (Damn you, Sarah
McLachlan!). Still only a minute later, you're viciously snapping at
your mother-in-law for doing God knows what. The fact of the matter is
that having a baby does a number on your capacity to feel normal.
In
addition to all of that nonsense, your relationship with the person you
made this tiny human with has been put on the back (and sometimes WAY
back) burner. And romance? What romance? You're lucky if you can get out
of your PJs before dinner (if at all).
This
is where your partner comes in. He has the uncanny ability to lift you up
or knock you down with his words and actions; especially when you're
feeling all huge and crazy and shit. One slip of the tongue can send you
into feeling the most elated that you have in months, anger you beyond
words, or throw you into a spiral of sadness that is sometimes difficult
to recover from.
Due
to this drastic change in your life, your partner may not know what to
say or do to make you feel special, important, and loved. What once
worked like a charm is not received well anymore. Let's face it: your
life has changed, your priorities have seriously shifted, and you need
your partner to adjust accordingly. But how is he supposed to just know
what to say?
Well gentlemen (this is where you give the
computer to HIM), here are SIX things you can say to give your partner a
little boost. Cause I don't know about your baby mama, but for me,
being romantic has taken on a whole new meaning since Hus and I have had
kids and there's definitely been a bit of a learning curve when it
comes to figuring out new ways to communicate with one another. So
without further ado, below are SIX of the most romantic things you can
say to a new mom.
1. "I'll change him."
Wow.
This one is just music to my ears. It feels so great anytime my husband takes
charge with diaper-changing, burping, or any other chore/job that comes
with having a new baby. It shows me that he's willing to put in the
man-hours and that he cares about me feeling like I'm not doing it all.
2. "Go take a long, hot shower."
This
one is great, too. Being given a break from the children is always a
romantic thing in my book. The fact that my husband thinks about how stressed
out or tired I must be is comforting. And when he suggests that I go
take some time for myself (by taking a shower), it makes me feel
appreciated, valued, and loved.
This
one goes a long way. Anytime my husband asks me this it shows me that he
recognizes that I'm taking on a heavy load. That kind of recognition
alone is incredible. Then the fact that he's willing to do anything to
help? Well, that's just icing on the cake.
4. "You're doing great. I'm very proud of you."
Being
a mom is tough. Trying to juggle everything while staying sane is more
than a full-time job. I can't tell you how many times I've thought about
just giving up on something (like breast feeding or walking one of our
kids around for a ridiculously long time while he or she is screaming
his/her head off or not slapping the shit out of
screaming loudly at one of them for throwing something purposefully at
my face) and then I don't because my husband acknowledges something positive
about how I'm parenting. It's nice to hear. Period.
5. "I'm so happy."
Let's
face it. In general, many women have a tendency to feel responsible for other people's
happiness. We want to make sure that the people we love feel content and
secure. And we also feel like we can and should fix things when the
people we love express sadness or negativity with a situation. Many of
us even see maintaining a certain level of happiness as our job. When
you tell your baby mama that you're happy, it takes one more thing off
her worry list. And that, my friend, is always a good thing.
This
is a big one. Everyone likes to know that their mate is
in-it-to-win-it. We want to know that our partners are in it for the long haul.
That they're not going anywhere. That they want to be here with us and
that they see a bright future by our side. If you ever feel this way,
tell your mate. We want to hear it and you won't regret it.
At
the end of the day, anything that can make your baby mama feel like
you're happy with your new life together, that you actually want to
participate in all of the work it takes to care for this new person,
that you recognize and appreciate all of the work that she does, and
that you're excited about your shared future is a good thing. Now go
forth and be romantic!
